What is the fear?

There are so many to choose from… especially now. I dare inhale or exhale without coughing or sneezing. Its to the point, this fear, i’m at home, waking up, just having cleaned out my closet (think pre-cancer was the last time i’ve seen some of these shelves covered with dust, cat, and everything else), we live with animals, the weather has changed, all the things that make my ears, nose, and throat spaz-out.. and i’m fearful of sneezing.. in my own home.. what the hell does it mean.. am I ok? Yes.. Kate.. you are ok. b.. there is that moment. that feeling of insecurity that was just not there 11 months ago.

OK, now let’s talk about the real fear.. because that’s just one layer. of this fucking giant onion. The inner work I have been doing is about me not worrying about how you feel about me. Yep. let’s say it together. Its none of my business what you think about me… and if you don’t like me.. you are not my people. I don’t have to tell you I don’t like you and you don’t have to tell me that either. Guess what.. we just don’t spend time together. I don’t choose you and you don’t choose me.

Now what does all this have to do with fear of sickness.. unfortunately… I feel we are allowing this fear to cover the humanity of just getting sick.. It’s not kind to scold another for the sake of getting sick. I did not cause my cancer. I’ve done everything right… quit smoking, took the fake boobs out after the 3rd kid, exercise, eat pretty well.. and still.. cancer came (Sarah and I talk about the fact we just grow extra things). So If I doing my part.. I’m doing what I can.. why do I wake in the morning.. cough.. and think that ve done something wrong and im fear stricken.. this is a problem.