Juneteenth

New national holiday… Juneteenth.

The day Texas (two years late) tells the slaves they were free all this time. Now I’m sure that did not happen overnight. The additional disparagement, beatings, hangings, unkind.. well everything. To this day slavery is a thing and whether it’s spiritual, physical, or mental….. captive is not OK. I don’t want to participate on either side.. neither captor or captive.. on any level…. And once I know unknowing is not possible. I become responsible for my actions and/or inaction, to learn about or not learn about.

I chalk my learning or lack of learning to “oh I forgot to learn about that” or “that is really uncomfortable” and i have a sensation (insert any feeling that i don’t like), so therefore it’s ignored. Now that this learning or not learning is apparent, I get to see if it is acceptable….. forgetting, avoiding… for not taking the notes to remember, being willing to feel the pain. I get to see if forgetting is acceptable. if walking away is acceptable.

Is it OK that I forget to learn, forget to know more?

I am willing to learn, to not turn my back, no matter the pain. You have done it so therefore we must share the load. I get to choose today if the notes are written, the things to learn. I can if I want, and even if im told “no”, I still can do them (my white privilege), consequences be damned (my white privilege)……. but to be broken…. body, mind, and spirit…. to be crushed by another human in order to have a glimpse of peace, one had/has to work so hard….. 4x, 10x, 400x the effort to be grateful…..? for food, for love, for shelter, to see the sun?

….. that is bullshit. 2 years late? It’s all too late….

Slavery, I only have my own relationship with slavery. I do not even come close to touching the emotions, pain, and suffering my fellow humans endured and do endure. Yes, endured and do indeed endure today. I do know I am responsible for the knowing, the learning, and the compassion to follow. I no longer wish to judge your pain. It is not in any of our best interest for me to say if your pain is valid or not.

Pain is pain. Trauma is trauma. The chemicals released through blood and nerves are the same.

This is not a diminishment.

This is an elevation

We elevate so we can have compassion for one another, to move through the pain, move through the anger, (maybe stay there for a while, i no longer can judge the length of time the process takes), and run to our Tribe…. those that listen, love, dig deeper, open big, create space, admit wrongs, enjoy the human experience in a way that hurts but feel alive.

Juneteenth. This is literally a day white folks in Texas….. well…

I bow my head and apologize for my ancestors. Scream, rage, cry, break something……. then teach me.

Teach me how to not let this happen again.