those things that happen in 3s… or more

We just wait for the other shoe to drop. Sometimes it’s a deep breath… sometimes is knowing what is coming… sometimes it’s just plain experience. We know that nothing in this universe stops. Once movement occurs, it is a swing, there is momentum, and then.. we add in our luck (unlucky number). Most of the time 3 works, although, depends on how deep I look. Hell I can find 3 “bad” things before brushing my teeth.

What am I basing these shitty events and feeling? … perspective. Just a few weeks ago, my friend from the 90s died of a heart attack. Young, loving, kind, fun, although an artist with his own inner battles. I cried, looked at my phone to see when the last time we spoke, all the while asking myself if I’m allowed to be sad. Like somehow if I have communicated with him in the past 2, 3, 4 months there is a permission.. (what the fuck? I need permission to miss someone?) but any longer than that, i’m a horrible person… (imagine me rolling my eyes). The very next day I hear of our church secretary dying at home. Old, yes… but still sudden. This woman taught me how clean the altar, love others, and show up no matter the pain… at this point I stop.. Literally said out loud “who is next”. because it’s in 3s for me… and behold a friend from high school died of cancer that same week.

I cried

I sobbed

Clients cancelling, the girls falling apart, calls from principles, doctors appointments, arguments, stubbed toes, burnt dinners, depressed days, speeding tickets (we will just call this “contact with the police”.. all of these in 3x and I could go on for a long time. It’s not all life and death. although the death part is the most final.

Im attempting to look at these series of events and feelings as jumping off points.. a sort of repetition.

Am I paying attention?

no, I don’t think I am.